Seeking approval

Have you ever found yourself doing things just because you seek other people's approval? Do you remember getting upset when someone didn't compliment you when you wanted them to? Do you compromise your beliefs to "fit in"?

Did you find yourself trying too hard to project a certain image of yourself to everyone else and feeling bad if you hear even a single bad comment about you from someone you hardly even know?

Do you get defensive when someone blames you or makes fun of you? Did you ever change your clothes even though you liked it, just because someone else didn't?

Well, you might have realized that you have done at least one of the above things. It's natural to seek approval and wanting to fit in- after all, it was part of how our cavemen ancestors survived: they had to stick to groups and community approval was very important if you didn't want to get kicked out.

Also, everyone needs some form of love in their lives. Just as much from the inside as from the outside. Maybe your parents are critical people who don't often display affection? Maybe you don't feel like your friends like you enough? Maybe you don't have a deep relationship with at least one person? Maybe you are not proud of yourself? Do you hear constant criticism? Maybe you've been in a broken relationship? Do you feel unloved?

The next time you find yourself craving approval, think about why it matter so much to you. What's going to happen if you didn't get their approval?

Think about the person you feel closest with. Do you have such a person? How close to them are you? Do they stand by your side and put up with all your shit? Do you know that you are loved?

Hearing constant criticism can and will affect you. Try not surrounding yourself with people who always have something to say about you or who have strong opinions of how you should do things. If it's someone close to you, try letting them know that you don't appreciate it.

But this sort of behavior is unhealthy and a mental burden, it brings you down and robs your freedom. It doesn't let you do the things that you really want to do.

So how do you stop seeking approval? I'm not completely there yet, but I have seen a lot of changes in me through the years, even though I never actively thought to do so.

Here are some of the things that I think will help:

1. Building Self worth: When you feel that you are someone to be proud of, and are strongly rooted, what people say will not affect you as much. You only feel offended by something someone said if it is something you already have insecurities about. Let's say you are really talented at drawing, and you know that. If someone comes up to you and says you're not, it's obviously not going to bother you.

2. Showing Self love: When you accept yourself for all that you are, forgiving and working on your flaws, cutting yourself some slack and keeping the voices in your head nice, you aren't going to be beating yourself up when you hear a harsh comment. Show yourself some compassion.

3. Working on your passions: When you have something you enjoy doing, that makes you happy and keeps you content and you start becoming good at what you do, you get a sense of pride in yourself that's hard to shake.

4. Having a purpose: When you have more important things in life to care about, you stop thinking about the trivial things in life, when you have a clear idea of where what you want to be doing, the unimportant things fade away.

5. Building deep relationships: When you love and feel loved, the deep relationship that you have is all the approval that you need. Why do you need to care about something someone said when they don't mean anything to you?

I think that is all, it might sound easy, but it really isn't. I'm not sure if I'm even half way there yet.. it's a long journey, but it is one worth taking up.